I Want The Sun To Shine All The Time

I'm writing just to write but I was thinking about my lj and my lack of usage so I decided to post just for old time's sake.

In the meantime, I've been fretting about my future lately. It gets on my nerves. When I'm in class I have this checklist of things I think about and this is it:
1.)What the hell is going on right now?
2.)Yumm....Michael.
3.)Stop thinking about Michael
4.)What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Usually in that order. Sometimes not though. Sometimes, I skip a few or add a few in there such as: a.)I'M HUNGRY! or b.)*reads*

Ugh. Seriously though...where do I go next?

Love and Happiness,
~Sydney

So I'm doing this thing that Flickr suggested... And I've started today. I'm super excited. The project is where you take a picture of yourself everyday but you try to be as creative as possible. I think it's going to be awesome. I'm gonna learn so much about my camera and I'm gonna gain self confidence at the same time.!
Yay!

Anyway, Lillie and I are sponsoring a little girl in Kenya. Her name is Hannah Nduta. She's beautiful. Really. And I'm so happy to be helping her.

*Sigh*

I'm taking it all one day at a time.

Everyone in the world sucks.
Ever.
Minus three.
(Mike, Lillie and Dad.)

I'm not so sure how I feel about this. I'll get back to you.

Ugh.
I have been in the worst mood. I blame Georgia but I think it's just these circumstances. Like, Zac making fun of me and Mike, or...being around my mom.. that really piss me off.
Ugh Ugh Ugh.
Yesterday, I went to the Civil War Naval Museum! Be Jealous! It was awesome.
(Not really.) Then we picked up Zac and went to lunch at Smokey Bones. After lunch, we went to NIM (National Infantry Museum)and it was actually really nice. I liked it, but it was depressing. T_T Then we went to dinner at the Bovarian House (German Food = YUCK) and that's where I saw my dear old Mom. (Mom + Me = Me Going SuperSian).
Screw this place. I want to be home already.

Love & Happiness,
~Sydney

p.s. I was watching Robin Williams talk on David Letterman and he said "Once at a U2 concert, Bono started clapping his hands slowly. The whole crowd died down and listened to him. Bono said, 'Everytime I clap my hands, a baby elephant in Africa dies.' and a man in the back yelled, 'THEN STOP CLAPPING YOUR HANDS!'"
lmao. --> it was awesome.

I'm in this God-Awful state again, and again, it's against my will. The people are nice...if you like beer-bellied men with liquor on their breath and a dialect that could make your head spin. Every person you see is either in the army, is going to join the army, or has an immediate family member in the army. Good ol' Fort Benning.


My point about "Army Life Sucks." (Not directed in any angry or negative way toward Lillie, just something I'm going to throw out there to save everyone a bunch of time/trouble):
In the future, if anyone ever tells me that army life is hard, I will snap. I don't need to be reminded of what it's like to have an army family. I feel, since my dad has been in the army for twentytwo years, that if I want to complain about what could very well happen, then I can complain. I can be negative. Everyone has the right to be a little bit Chesala every now and then. Zac and I raised Riley when my dad was gone the first time around, and the second time, he had diabetes, so Mom dragged him around everywhere. The second time, Zac and I would be left alone for days at a time and we could have done anything. I think that had I not been dating a wookie at the time...well, let's just say, I think saying "no" is hard now...
So, in conclusion, no one can ever ever ever tell me that I need to look at the positive side of having an army family again. I don't need to watch Army Wives to know that it fucking sucks and that anything can happen. Anything.
Did anyone know that my dad was offered a tour? Another tour. Someone begged my dad to come back. He told him he could go absolutely anywhere. My dad and Zac talked about it. Dad was going to go to Afghanastan with Zac. This was going to happen and then Dad got smart. My brother and my dad could have been serving together in Afghanastan. I'd be living with my mom, and after a few months, would have gone to live somewhere else, because drowning, metaphorically, in tears can happen and would happen if I stayed with her. Also..I'd kill her.
No one ever ever ever ever ever (please) tell me that Army life sucks ever ever again.


In other news,
sitting in a car for twelve hours has been the highlight of my week. (NAAT)
"Up" is AMAZING and if I ever have a pet bird, it's name will be Kevin.
My family is psychotic.
My dad got ID checked today at dinner. HE DOESN'T LOOK THAT YOUNG! (AJ would disagree though)
Rawr.
42.
My back hurts.
I miss everyone.
I miss Michael..
I hope Zac doesn't hate me and hasn't turned into too much of an ass.......wait... >_<
And.....I want to see "New Moon" !!!

<3 & =],
~Sydney

I'm going to Georgia in the morning with my family and it's going to be a great time, seeing that this whole trek has started out with my grandma saying "oh, come on Sydney, try it. Seriously, you can taste the vodka really well but the chocolate makes it good."
Anyway, I won't argue. I don't really wanna go.
Afghanastan is just around the corner. Like I don't know that Army life is hard. wtf ever. I know more than many. It means your family falling apart but I was okay with that. I dealt with that. But if my brother dies....
Well, let's just say I don't know what "falling apart" is.
I'm just having a minor freak out episode. Zac goes to Colorado in thirteen days and when he leaves there, expect this again.

Until then...
Wish me luck, I'll be with the whole family this week. No seeing Mike or Lillie or Sam for five days?!?! Can I do it?
I don't know...
*shifty eyes*
*cries*

Love and Happiness,
~Sydney

I suck.
The end.

ugh.
Tonight was terrible.
Everything fell through and I was suppose to have this awesome time but I'm stuck all alone at home. =[
Why doesn't anyone want me?

RAWR!!!!

WHY?!

I am in a very hyper/happy/sad/confused/angry/disappointed mood at the moment.
Fail on my behalf.
Ughhhh..

...Mostly because Dad and Julie will be loud.. ewwy.. >_<
Why does no one wanna be with me right now?? *cries*
Not really.
I'm in a great mood. =]
It's like...Love sets you free. The real kind.
That's why I've never felt like this before.
Like I can do anything.
Like smiling is a natural thing, not forced.
Like making a joke is appreciated and good times are plentiful.
Can't wait to get my tongue pierced! ...Maybe tomorrow?? I don't know... But I'm soo nervous too! I don't care.. I'm gonna look HAWT! XD

Love and Happiness,
~Sydney

My birthday was freaking awesome and I owe it all to my mom and Lillie and the freaking Melting Pot and it was AMAZING! Really, chocolate flavored orgasms FTW! Pwn!! Plus, my mom seems to know me really well (she got me the best present I've ever received) which is crazy cause she's one of the only people in my family who knows me extremely well unlike my dad, who is one of my best friends. Weird.
Well, he was one of my best friends. Right now, we're at a void... I know what happened. Screw him.
Balls.

Is All.

<3 & =],
~Sydney

I'm so unbelievably happy! My birthday was amazing and I can't wait to go back to the Melting Pot! I haven't enjoyed being with my mom since we went on the trip. =]
On other news...
I almost cried of happiness.
God is Good.

Wishing everyone happiness as great as mine,
Sydney

I feel so tiredddd.
Helppppp.

>_

They didn't burry him.
They put him in that box, sealed up tight so no one could see the discoloration. Mom and Dad wanted everyone to remember the living baby. Not that he ever looked lively.
So they put him in that teeney tiny coffin and they put that teeney tiny coffin into a pit of flames. They licked around the wood, taking all they could and leaving only ashen reminders of the six-month old heartache. So those ashes lay in a box of gold on a shelf up high in the corner. Only those who know see him there and still they walk by without a thought or a prayer. That is, unless, it's the now eighteen-year-old boy who can still smell the soap on Daddy's hands, the kind they have at the hospital. Unless, it's the now seventeen-year-old girl who still recalls Mommy's tears that fell all those years and still fall now. Unless it's the now fortyone-year-old man who kept going after the death of his son or the thirtynine-year-old woman who never learned how.
They all stop every once in awhile. They all remember. They all care.

Almost got it. But not quite.

***

hehehehe.. I love you Lillie. =] (I love the part about the shoes. Thanks for taking everything I've ever told you about my family and mashing it into one big ball of happiness!!)

On other news! To Joanne Fabrics for me! FML.
I'm an idiot.

*cries*
..Seriously.

But it's okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay. I just have to wait. Wait. Wait.

Waiting was never this hard. I thought today was bad...it's probably going to get worse.
Pray for me? Please...

<3 & =],
~Sydney

(I don't have much money, but I'd buy, if I did, I'd buy a big house where we both could live. I hope you don't mind that I broke down in words - how wonderful life is now you're in the world. [I wrote you a birthday poem. It'll have to do for now.])

Lillie who makes the world seem right.
It smiles at it's core and spreads it's warmth up high and higher.

With curls that make the grass grow.
It whispers a thanks as she floats by.

Rosy cheeks that wake up the sun.
It stretches out it's groggy arms and embraces all it can.

A smile truer than words everspoken.
And ideas that could spontaneously combust into stars.
Laughter like dancing.
Joy like fire - spreading quickly and engulfing everything.
Tears as spontaneous and beautiful as wildflowers.
A portrait of self confidence.


Lillie who defends the walls of my heart like the soldiers of Troy.
Picking me up after rainstorms
And playing with me in the puddles.
Making faces and making a difference.

Lillie who screams songs and cracks lies.
Filling me with hope
With joy.
With Life.

Lillie Whom I Love.

[[Happy Birthday Beautiful]]

Halloween was awesome. =]
Waking up at six AM FTW

<3 & =],
~Sydney

=]]
Yayz!!!
It's Halloween!! I get to dress up and look pretty and hang out with people I love and watch movies that aren't scary (The Wizard of Oz) and play Halo allllllll night!
ITS GONNA BE AWESOME!!

Also, I'm def. going into McDonald's with my costume on. I forgot my jacket there. >_<'

<3 & =],
~Sydney

=]
Halloween is gonna freaking rock! Danni's party for a little bit then "lasering" and movie watching at my house! And then Mike get's to stay the night!! =] I can't believe Dad said yes... Hmm.... Plus, I like my costume :]

Other than that...I'm having mixed emotions to the biggest degree and it's not good but I have a plan now and Imma stick to it and everything will be fine and I won't deal with this for at least a year. I gotsta! I GOTSTA!!

There I go again, making serious things not serious. lol.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm scared out of my mind.
But it's okay.

<3 & =],
~Sydney

So..I regret nothing.

=]